Disappointment

Some days I would give anything to be a kid again... the disappointments of childhood seem so small compared to the disappointments of adulthood. But I suppose it's all in the perspective.

I've been a mother since I was 17. Some would say that's pretty young, but there have been those who went down the intrepid path of motherhood younger than that. It really doesn't matter how old you are, it's universal - once you become a parent something inside our soul shifts. You know that you would do anything to avoid having your child experience pain, or disappointment. It's as if this invisible shield goes up all around, lasting but only a short while. At some point, you know their bubble will have to burst. Hurts will flood over our carefully constructed walls; tears will fall; hopefully forgiveness and time will wash the pain away. As moms, we want to "fix", offer wise counsel, and get on with doing life. We go on, somehow, as Moms always do. Pretty soon, the kids grow up (or not) and enter that awful & beautiful world; full of wonder and disappointment. I hated that part. Knowing I couldn't do one darn thing to cushion the blows this world can deliver. That's the intersection of hope and faith, for parents, I believe. Hope that your kids don't fall and decide to stay down, and the faith they'll pick themselves up and move on; tucking each lesson under their belt to lash back when life gets rough.

Funny, I hadn't started preparing myself for the disappointing blows my now adult child is bringing me. All these emotions I wasn't quite ready for - pride, anger, confusion, profound sadness. Doesn't he know what I gave up for him to have life? It sounds a little selfish, but really, what right does he have to throw his life away? Oh, the lies that have come creeping in, accusing me of being a terrible mother, etc. All I really want him to see in himself is the potential for greatness that I see. It seems he, like so many young people are settling for so much less.

So, I pray, and God, being the remarkable One He is, spoke so clearly to my heart. In an instant, He simply said, "Give him to me". Who am I to argue with that? In my most heartfelt prayer, I offered over my son, once again, to the God of mercy and grace. Immediately there was peace. Knowing that God loves my son more than I ever could is enough to soften the disappointment. All I needed was a little perspective, and I got it.