Our very old cat, Kiki, has been making regular trips to our bathroom to do her "business" which in and of itself would be a blessing if she was a good shot. But, as we have discovered during our own midnight treks to the one and only bathroom in the house, she is not. Yeah, um, you get the picture. Basking in the not-so-lovely aroma of kitty pee means yet another top to bottom scouring of the entire bathroom, washing rugs, etc. Well as I begun the ritual, for some odd reason I made a point to include the mini-blinds in the cleaning action this time. No, the cat did not pee or poop on those - THAT would be amazing! The mini-blinds were in dire need, and I realized I could no longer get by with twisting them a different direction to hide the dirt! By the way, did I mention how much I hate cleaning those little metal slats of hell? I was getting myself into something...
I ventured forward, as usual, working my way from the bottom up, going from one cleaning rag to another, and not particularly feeling like I was accomplishing much. It always seems like one slat gets clean, and the dirt just multiplies. Frustrated, I contemplated ending my cleaning efforts right at the section of blinds where the curtain fell; well, maybe a little farther up just to be safe. Out of sight out of mind, right? I mean, if somebody wants to go out of their way to check the cleanliness of my mini-blinds, don't they deserve to see a little dirt?
Well, isn't it just like God, on cue, to answer my questions with His own, "Daughter, do you think you can hide your dirt from Me?" WOW! I honestly had to stop and catch my breath. "No, Lord. I can't!" But that doesn't mean I don't try. Suddenly, a barrage of thoughts and intentions from all these faraway, secret places of my heart and mind came blowing and swirling in, kind of like out of control dust bunnies! Oh, how often I go out of my way to look good and clean; even adding a shot of disinfecting self-righteousness for good measure. I realized God had more to say to me. This is the verse He gave me, "Therefore, do not fear them. For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known." Matthew 10:26 I knew in that moment I needed to let His word resonate in my spirit for a bit.
What was I fearing? What was I hiding? For crying out loud, I was just cleaning the bathroom!
As my family and I prepare ourselves to heed the calling God has placed on our hearts to help bring to life a new church in Kahului, HI; and as we leave the safe, expectant, and comfortable confines of our home, church family and friends of 15 years; I feel God is leading me ever deeper into the muddy, murky waters of my own soul - straight into my fears of the unknown. And suddenly I grasp how, more than ever, how confession and repentance must become daily acts of worship; and not just random, Sunday utterances! The revelation of God's love toward me in this 'bathroom cleaning' moment is amazing! I mean, how often do I busy myself with "stuff" just to avoid what is really bothering me? Well, He knows me better than I know myself. For it could only be God who would take me to that place in His word, to read what Jesus spoke to His disciples, preparing them for the persecutions they would face in following Him; encouraging them to not be fearful.
Lately, the well-intentioned comments and warnings for us to "be careful and aware of how much the Hawaiians hate white people" or how "difficult reaching the locals is going to be" has felt like set-ups for failure and discouragement before we have even started. I don't believe they are meant to dissuade us, but I confess that I have allowed them to give feet and movement to my deep fears and uncertainty - my very own "dirt" which the enemy does his best to use against me, and render me ineffective. But true to form, God is astounding! He is so patient...Once again I am humbled with the knowledge that I have been made clean by the blood of Jesus, which purifies me from all unrighteousness. I am reminded that fear is not from the Lord! The treasure which I hold dear is Jesus, and the Truth - He has already paid the penalty and price for every stinkin' piece of filth that I let cling to my heart, and which holds me back from doing what He commands! Love, after all, covers a multitude of sins...That is our act of worship going forward - to love, and to serve.
So, about those mini-blinds? Since it became clear that I was hiding out in a moment of cleaning frenzy and busy-ness; I decided they could wait. If you come over for a visit and decide to take a peek, I can't promise they will be any cleaner. I have decided it is much better to hide out with God and bask in His fragrance of mercy and grace! My heart is way too overflowing with thankfulness for His willingness to pick me up, dust me off, and wash away the stains...
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Just a thought...
Doesn't it seem as if we are taught from childhood to always be "looking ahead"? I mean, when I think about it, most of my life has been spent trying to do just that. Either trying to get ahead, stay ahead of the game, or look ahead to the future. But what does that mean for the very moment at hand? I do not believe it means anything, except to say the moment is gone, poof, history...
When we spend all of our time looking forward, we forget to look behind us. We fail to stretch out an open hand to help someone who has fallen behind. Our forward motion is "busyness" and it creates a horrendous noise at times - a barrier that blocks out the distant cries for help.
I am reminded that I need the quiet presence of God in order to take hold of the gift - the present - today. When I look too far ahead, or worse yet, try and get ahead of God, I realize I only prostitute a little more of my soul. With the exception of my salvation I will leave this world with precisely what I entered it with - nothing.
These are precarious times for the world, and the only thing I am finding that is really worth having is hope...
Thoughts?
When we spend all of our time looking forward, we forget to look behind us. We fail to stretch out an open hand to help someone who has fallen behind. Our forward motion is "busyness" and it creates a horrendous noise at times - a barrier that blocks out the distant cries for help.
I am reminded that I need the quiet presence of God in order to take hold of the gift - the present - today. When I look too far ahead, or worse yet, try and get ahead of God, I realize I only prostitute a little more of my soul. With the exception of my salvation I will leave this world with precisely what I entered it with - nothing.
These are precarious times for the world, and the only thing I am finding that is really worth having is hope...
Thoughts?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
A Love Letter from God...
(I attended the Captivating Women's Retreat in Colorado of April 2008. I went for some much needed time away and solace with God. Traveling alone through the Rocky Mountains to this retreat was in and of itself a gift from God, as I witnessed firsthand the awe and wonder of His creation, gazing upon those majestic peaks. And I thought the mountains around Redding were big...
During some free time at the retreat I went on a precarious horseback ride that would again, invite me to trust God in new ways. Namely to trust God along with the surefootedness of an old horse on a nose to tail trail ride along skinny shale cliffs. One woman was thrown, and even my ride decided he needed a belly scratching atop a small tree (with me still in the saddle). Still, I reveled in the adventure, refusing to turn my ear to anything that did not resemble a whisper from my Savior - "Trust Me, daughter..." is what I heard over and over. Well, understandably the trail ride ran late that day, causing some of us to miss most of the evening session. But what I did not miss was the invitation from the ladies of Ransomed Heart to BE STILL for awhile. Reassuring me (us) that Jesus has much to say... we retreated to a covenant of silence. With my heart quiet before God, this is what He said. The letter that follows was His gift to me that day. At the urging of my husband, and the Lord, I am sharing it with you now.)
Love Letter from God
You are beautiful and blameless in My sight - you are My child and I forgive you - I love you - come unto Me - I long to give you rest - I know you are weary - drop your burdens at My feet. I will give you all the strength you need - I see you, My love. I see you when you are laughing; I see you when you are crying; I see you when you are loving; I see you when you are playing. I am with you when you are working and letting Me work through your hands in helping people. I see you when you stumble over your words, and even if you don't know what you are trying to say - I do. I know everything about you, even the things you might not remember or want to remember. Healing is a process, My child. Don't be upset or ashamed if it isn't coming as quick as you would like. I am molding you and shaping you into a radiant woman - alive and a light with My love! You have captured me, My child. You have my heart and I have yours. I will never let you go. My arms have always held you, even when you turned your back on Me. It's OK - life is hard. But only for a short while. GO - Go share My love with the world. In your way, your words. Ask Me. I will give you all that you need to fulfill My desires for your life. If you fail, it's OK. I will be here to catch you - together we will go on, and if you'd like, I will carry you. I have placed dreams in your heart you do not yet know. Enjoy the journey - take Me with you always - I love to be your Adventure.
During some free time at the retreat I went on a precarious horseback ride that would again, invite me to trust God in new ways. Namely to trust God along with the surefootedness of an old horse on a nose to tail trail ride along skinny shale cliffs. One woman was thrown, and even my ride decided he needed a belly scratching atop a small tree (with me still in the saddle). Still, I reveled in the adventure, refusing to turn my ear to anything that did not resemble a whisper from my Savior - "Trust Me, daughter..." is what I heard over and over. Well, understandably the trail ride ran late that day, causing some of us to miss most of the evening session. But what I did not miss was the invitation from the ladies of Ransomed Heart to BE STILL for awhile. Reassuring me (us) that Jesus has much to say... we retreated to a covenant of silence. With my heart quiet before God, this is what He said. The letter that follows was His gift to me that day. At the urging of my husband, and the Lord, I am sharing it with you now.)
Love Letter from God
You are beautiful and blameless in My sight - you are My child and I forgive you - I love you - come unto Me - I long to give you rest - I know you are weary - drop your burdens at My feet. I will give you all the strength you need - I see you, My love. I see you when you are laughing; I see you when you are crying; I see you when you are loving; I see you when you are playing. I am with you when you are working and letting Me work through your hands in helping people. I see you when you stumble over your words, and even if you don't know what you are trying to say - I do. I know everything about you, even the things you might not remember or want to remember. Healing is a process, My child. Don't be upset or ashamed if it isn't coming as quick as you would like. I am molding you and shaping you into a radiant woman - alive and a light with My love! You have captured me, My child. You have my heart and I have yours. I will never let you go. My arms have always held you, even when you turned your back on Me. It's OK - life is hard. But only for a short while. GO - Go share My love with the world. In your way, your words. Ask Me. I will give you all that you need to fulfill My desires for your life. If you fail, it's OK. I will be here to catch you - together we will go on, and if you'd like, I will carry you. I have placed dreams in your heart you do not yet know. Enjoy the journey - take Me with you always - I love to be your Adventure.
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